Unnecessary Roughness 

by Danielle N. Hall



Just before reaching the office this morning, the phrase “unnecessary roughness” crossed my mind. It led me to begin to think of how we are sometimes too hard on ourselves. This unfortunate fact can be attributed to (but isn’t limited to) past rejection or hurt from others, embracing the standards of others, or having a propensity to please people. In these situations we tend to lose ourselves and the inclination to love ourselves.


For years, I focused the majority of my energy on comforting and loving others and sacrificing for them. It took some time and courage for me to decide that I was going to start making sure I invested in my own happiness and well-being, too. The above picture represents one of such investments. It was taken at the Red Door Spa on my birthday last year. I’ve made an executive decision that this would be a consistent treat for me. Sadly, though, when I initially made the decision I actually felt a little bit guilty and I started to beat up on myself. This is because I’d grown accustomed to neglecting me. I began thinking about how finances are limited and how that money could be better utilized for a household need. Then when I began to reflect on how relaxing and rejuvenating the Red Door experience was, the guilt started to fade away. There are other ways that I’ve been less than kind to myself in the past, but I’m learning to be more loving and caring to me.


There is a multitude of ways to be kind and gentle to ourselves. Consider the following activity that I thought of this morning:

Write a “Thank You” note to yourself. This may be a little unusual because often when we reflect we focus on struggles, headaches, heartaches, and bad choices. Today, however, I encourage you to do something strange for a change. While you write, sing to yourself the following lyrics: “Loving you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.”