Dirty Little Secrets & The Little White Lie

by Danielle N. Hall

4/26/16

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I can’t believe what “he” did to me
It’s truly a crying shame
Who is this “he” you might be asking
Well, there are too many to name

“He” touched me when I was little
In places that were meant for my spouse
I was nervous AND I was afraid
Yet I remained as quiet as a mouse

“He” asked me “Are you ready?”
Inside, I had screamed “NO!”
I wanted to run, but was paralyzed by fear
And I could not manage to go

“He” didn’t have a knife
Nor did “he” hold a gun to my head
“He” stood there ready to conquer
But used manipulation instead

“He” whispered in my minor ears
And said “If it’s all night, it’s all right!”
The next day we entered a secluded place that was void of both safety and light

“He” kissed me and then “he” asked
“Do you want me to put it in?”
I was very confused, yet I refused
However, the next day “he” tried again

Now, this time I didn’t refuse
And decided “Ok. We’ll try.”
Once again I’d been manipulated
But now by another guy

When it was over, I thought to myself
“Ok. I made it through.”
Later I thought: “What in the world have I done? What did I get myself into?”

I actually thought “he” loved me
How silly was I and what was I thinking?
I was in too deep, and in a deep sleep…
Was intoxicated, yet I wasn’t drinking

Exposed to so much before it was time, but convinced I had things under control
To myself I had lied. I was broken inside, but on the outside I appeared to be whole.

My smile is now real and there’s a difference in how I feel.
What I’ve shared is a piece of my “THEN”
My history had me bound and holding my head down, but NOW I’ve gotten my smile again

That monster called “he”, may have stolen something from me…something that wasn’t for the taking
But God’s restored the years and dried those inner tears
Inside my heart is no longer breaking

I’m daily renewed with a new point of view
I’m still here to tell my story
Those bad things that happened will work for my good and, somehow, God will get the glory

I could be bitter, I could be depressed
As a matter of fact that was the old me
I’ve gotten my joy back and a new hold on life
I thank God I’m totally free!!!

The secret is out…no more shame or doubt. From now on I vow to be bold.
I will hold my head high…in spite of the fact…
This is one of the hardest true stories I’ve ever told.

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The Silent Killer

by Danielle N. Hall

4/15/16

With all of the senseless acts of crime on a rise, we may have experienced a heightened state of awareness and an elevated caution level. I’ve certainly had to have more discussions than usual with my children about precautionary measures that they must take. However, there is a much greater threat that is killing many by the day: UNFORGIVENESS.

I’d like to shine a light on this dangerous, silent killer. The impact of unforgiveness is often underestimated or overlooked. We engage in many endeavors to try to “get healthy”: from the trips to the gym (the place where you workout and take selfies) to the trips to the grocery store to get the gluten free and antioxidant rich products. The outside is looking great, and maybe there is a bit of joy derived from the effects of the new habits. By no means am I suggesting that these are not fruitful endeavors, but we ought to also be just as careful to tend to our core. All the physical exercise in the world will not reduce the effects of unforgiveness on our health.

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On exactly 2 years ago, I made the above post to Facebook. These are examples of what we can experience as a result of forgiveness. Consider that the opposite is highly probable: UNFORGIVENESS can add excessive weight, can put strain on your heart, and can be immobilizing.

PAUSE…take a moment to do a self evaluation to determine if there is someone who you’ve harbored negative feelings about in your heart. Sometimes, the person in the mirror is who we fail to forgive. Other times, it can be someone who has done the unimaginable to us or our loved ones. I have experienced ALL of the above and, for years, I had suppressed memories of varying events as a coping mechanism. Suppressing thoughts is just like collecting garbage: after gathering enough, there will be a stench. Our attitudes will begin to stink and what we really need to do is rid ourselves of the trash; we need to properly dispose of the toxic waste.

Hazardous waste is known to contain  cancer-causing agents and other harmful substances. Have you ever felt physically ill, but you do all that you can to eat right and exercise and you can’t quite put your finger on what may be the cause of your nausea, headache, or pain. I’ve noticed that when I’m stressed, I experience pain usually in my right jaw, or in the right side of my neck and back. I’ve also experienced chest pain and headaches. Additionally, I’d be overly fatigued.

I’m sure I’m not alone in having experienced these symptoms that can very well be attributed to the toxicity of unforgiveness. After having identified and then released some of those toxins, I feel less weighted down and less sluggish. I even feel that I can breathe easier. Even my thought processing has become more clear because there is less clutter to tend with.

Most of us have had an unfair or unfortunate life experience that has left us feeling bitter, angry, helpless, hopeless or alone…the truth is, however, even though we can’t undo what has been done, we can decide to not hold on to the effects. Holding on keeps us bound and slowly kills us internally. Forgiveness is a matter of choice and it is up to us to decide that we want to live and be well.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts:

“In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.”–Andy Stanley

Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.