Dirty Little Secrets & The Little White Lie

by Danielle N. Hall

4/26/16

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I can’t believe what “he” did to me
It’s truly a crying shame
Who is this “he” you might be asking
Well, there are too many to name

“He” touched me when I was little
In places that were meant for my spouse
I was nervous AND I was afraid
Yet I remained as quiet as a mouse

“He” asked me “Are you ready?”
Inside, I had screamed “NO!”
I wanted to run, but was paralyzed by fear
And I could not manage to go

“He” didn’t have a knife
Nor did “he” hold a gun to my head
“He” stood there ready to conquer
But used manipulation instead

“He” whispered in my minor ears
And said “If it’s all night, it’s all right!”
The next day we entered a secluded place that was void of both safety and light

“He” kissed me and then “he” asked
“Do you want me to put it in?”
I was very confused, yet I refused
However, the next day “he” tried again

Now, this time I didn’t refuse
And decided “Ok. We’ll try.”
Once again I’d been manipulated
But now by another guy

When it was over, I thought to myself
“Ok. I made it through.”
Later I thought: “What in the world have I done? What did I get myself into?”

I actually thought “he” loved me
How silly was I and what was I thinking?
I was in too deep, and in a deep sleep…
Was intoxicated, yet I wasn’t drinking

Exposed to so much before it was time, but convinced I had things under control
To myself I had lied. I was broken inside, but on the outside I appeared to be whole.

My smile is now real and there’s a difference in how I feel.
What I’ve shared is a piece of my “THEN”
My history had me bound and holding my head down, but NOW I’ve gotten my smile again

That monster called “he”, may have stolen something from me…something that wasn’t for the taking
But God’s restored the years and dried those inner tears
Inside my heart is no longer breaking

I’m daily renewed with a new point of view
I’m still here to tell my story
Those bad things that happened will work for my good and, somehow, God will get the glory

I could be bitter, I could be depressed
As a matter of fact that was the old me
I’ve gotten my joy back and a new hold on life
I thank God I’m totally free!!!

The secret is out…no more shame or doubt. From now on I vow to be bold.
I will hold my head high…in spite of the fact…
This is one of the hardest true stories I’ve ever told.

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