Up Against the Wall

by Danielle N. Hall

7/4/2017

Have you ever had one of those seasons where so much was coming at you and you either just got your throwing hand ready to hurl the towel or you simply said: “What’s next?!” Last summer was certainly one of those seasons for me! There was trouble with my health, in my home, and with my home…I must admit: I felt a bit defeated for a second…I felt like my back was against the wall and I didn’t have fight in me. Waving the white flag of surrender sounded like a really great idea, BUT I’ve got that true Brock-Smith blood in me…the kind that doesn’t know anything but determination.

As I am recounting this experience, a familiar inspirational song comes to mind: Made a Way by Travis Greene. 

You made a way

When our backs were against the wall

And it looked as if it was over

You made a way

And we’re standing here

Only because You made a way

You made a way

I must say that these lyrics echo the sentiments of my heart. As I mentioned before: I faced health challenges and home challenges. The combination of all things was somewhat overwhelming. Allow me to elaborate…

Last July, I endured one of the longest bouts of vertigo I’d ever had since my first attack over 20 years ago. Just before the 4th of July, I’d attended a family/church fellowship at Solomons Island. Ain’t nothing like good family, good food, and good fellowship! However, my enjoyable time was brief…that horrible party pooper, aka vertigo, showed up on the scene.

“They” say: “When it rains, it pours!”. Well, vertigo rained on my parade and I was pouring with sweat! Fortunately, it only lasted for a couple of days. However, it had soon returned. The timing was less than ideal. The tension measurement in the household had been thicker than a McDonalds milkshake. (Side Note: they need to serve those milkshakes with spoons and not straws, but I digress). Perhaps this truth perpetuated the longer than usual recovery time. Things were a bit bleak on the homefront and we were at the point of making a life altering decision. Though I thought I was prepared to handle the change, thoughts of the change were stressful. 

Anyhow, after having been essentially bed ridden for about a week, I peeled myself out of the bed and walked gingerly over to our leasing office. I was blindsided by the surprise news that I received. When the words parted the lips of the property manager, I pretty much was speechless, but in my mind I was like: “Nooooo, I wasn’t ready!!!”. “It couldn’t be that bad” you might say, but trust me…given the timing and the circumstances, it def was a BFD to me. So on July 15th, as I sat in the chair in the office of the property manager, Mrs. S, I heard these words: “Oh, you’re set for ABSOLUTE eviction on August 2nd.” I was informed that these were irreversible plans of the Sherriff. I inquired about our options and she informed me there was no amount of money or anything else that would change what we were facing…It was a decision set by the sheriff. The last thing I was trying to hear, while dealing with both vertigo and a strained home situation, was that in a very short time we were going to be without a home. The thought of having to share that info with my three little ones was heartbreaking.

I will say that was one of a very few times where I felt defeated. I was sick and tired, literally. You have to understand how debilitating vertigo is to fully appreciate these circumstances. Quitting is not in my makeup…I’m a Brock-Smith, we are too determined, but in the above described moment, I didn’t feel like fighting anymore and I was ok with letting the chips fall how they may. 

On the evening of Sunday, July 17th, I had a conversation with my longtime spiritual advisor: my first grade teacher. In said conversation, she reminded me of who I am in Christ and she fervently prayed. After a major ugly cry, I suddenly no longer felt defeated and I also felt an immediate turn around physically.  I’d done some research and had made some appointments to view a few rental homes. We checked the places out and hadn’t really found “the one” yet. 

Our backs were up against the wall. Time was running out and we had none to waste because the 2nd of August was approaching. While at my desk at work one afternoon, the Lord spoke to me and said: “Call and ask again”. This was in reference to the leasing office and our options. I heeded His voice and called. To my pleasant surprise, the property manager had a different response. She said if you bring $xxxx.xx before we close today it will cancel the eviction. By the grace of God, we were able to combine resources and I darted off from the office to make sure we did our part to get the requested amount turned in. CLEARLY THIS WAS THE LORD’S DOING! He made a way, when our backs were against the wall and it looked as if it was over.

What I want you to get most from this particular post is that it doesn’t matter how grim or impossible a situation may be, God is sovereign and He is able. HE has the final say. As a matter of fact, in the midst of that trying season, at church I had to lead the song “Sovereign God” by Maurette Brown Clark. In that moment, the message in the song was very personal to me. Before ministering in song, the Lord nudged me to share my testimony about the situation I was in at that moment. I was apprehensive because it was embarrassing, but I know better than to not heed His voice. I did as He said, and I was the recipient of a check for $1500 from an anonymous source who followed the voice of God! 

This type of experience is not happenstance and is the reason I have great faith. God is faithful and has proven Himself to be so…over and over and over. He is not a tyrant, but He IS a good, good Father. Who wouldn’t want to serve a God like that?! 

Below are the links to the two songs mentioned in this post. I hope they bless you…especially when you feel like you’re up against the wall!

“Made A Way” https://g.co/kgs/fgQuA9

“Sovereign God” https://g.co/kgs/NDHniv

 

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Hot Sauce In My Bag

by Danielle N. Hall

6/9/2017

If you’ve been coherent and have had the ability to hear any time since the Super Bowl last year, chances are you’ve heard one of Beyoncé’s most catchy tunes: Formation. In said song, she makes a reference to what an unknowing listener may think is a condiment. “I got hot sauce in my bag, swag.” Let me make this very clear for the ones who may be unaware: she wasn’t talking about staying ready to douse Texas Pete, Frank’s Red Hot, Tabasco®, or Cholula on a nice, fried piece of catfish. I can show you better than I can tell you: here’s the “hot sauce” Bey was talking about she stays ready with.


Apparently, she wanted to let the people know to not be fooled by the fame and fortune…she’s still “country”, yet fierce and she’s not here for the foolishness. She wanted to let you know that you can get it.

I, too, have “hot sauce in my bag” and a message for the people. 


You can get THIS “hot sauce“, too! I recently had to make a pit stop at one of my favorite artillery shops to get one of my most useful weapons: “hot sauce” is what they call it. 

When I tell you that the past 6 weeks have been quite an exhausting adventure, please believe me! From my father’s next to death experience, to the Mr’s requirement of 3 procedures under anesthesia in a 10 day span, to the eldest child being faced with potentially repeating 12th grade, to the middle child being provoked and engaging in physical altercations, to dealing with vertigo…this has been a season to remember. It had been wearing me out and I knew exactly where I needed to go and what I needed to get. 

Turning Natural© is an establishment on a mission to create healthier lives by way of education opportunities and the products they offer. The line of juices includes my favs: Bromelionaire (pineapple, apple, and ginger), Beta Bomb (carrots, apple, oranges, ginger, and a hint of lemon), and 50 Shades of Green (chlorophyll, mint, pineapple, apple, and coconut water). There’s both a variety of smoothie options that don’t include any dairy products and a selection of vegan edibles that are tasty…the black bean burger is outstanding! 

All of that is great, but let me tell you about this hot sauce that’s in my bag: it’s a liquid vitamin blend of vitamins A-K.  Vitamins A-K are essential to keeping the body healthy and the mind alert. Lack of these vitamins can lead to fatigue, impaired vision, weak teeth and bones, and even serious illness. When we are constantly on the go and are constantly pouring out, we can get drained and fail to give our body what it needs for proper functioning. When it feels like life has been getting the best of me and has been wearing my body and mind out, I almost always think of stopping by my artillery shop aka Turning Natural© and loading up on weapons. “Hot Sauce” is one. It is served in a syringe, is refrigerated, and looks like the Cholula brand hot sauce you see atop many restaurant tables.

Your artillery shop might not be Turning Natural©. You may not identify “Hot Sauce” as your choice weapon like both Beyoncé and I have. My question is: what IS in your bag?

For more information on Turning Natural© visit http://www.turningnatural.com

Dirty Little Secrets & The Little White Lie

by Danielle N. Hall

4/26/16

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I can’t believe what “he” did to me
It’s truly a crying shame
Who is this “he” you might be asking
Well, there are too many to name

“He” touched me when I was little
In places that were meant for my spouse
I was nervous AND I was afraid
Yet I remained as quiet as a mouse

“He” asked me “Are you ready?”
Inside, I had screamed “NO!”
I wanted to run, but was paralyzed by fear
And I could not manage to go

“He” didn’t have a knife
Nor did “he” hold a gun to my head
“He” stood there ready to conquer
But used manipulation instead

“He” whispered in my minor ears
And said “If it’s all night, it’s all right!”
The next day we entered a secluded place that was void of both safety and light

“He” kissed me and then “he” asked
“Do you want me to put it in?”
I was very confused, yet I refused
However, the next day “he” tried again

Now, this time I didn’t refuse
And decided “Ok. We’ll try.”
Once again I’d been manipulated
But now by another guy

When it was over, I thought to myself
“Ok. I made it through.”
Later I thought: “What in the world have I done? What did I get myself into?”

I actually thought “he” loved me
How silly was I and what was I thinking?
I was in too deep, and in a deep sleep…
Was intoxicated, yet I wasn’t drinking

Exposed to so much before it was time, but convinced I had things under control
To myself I had lied. I was broken inside, but on the outside I appeared to be whole.

My smile is now real and there’s a difference in how I feel.
What I’ve shared is a piece of my “THEN”
My history had me bound and holding my head down, but NOW I’ve gotten my smile again

That monster called “he”, may have stolen something from me…something that wasn’t for the taking
But God’s restored the years and dried those inner tears
Inside my heart is no longer breaking

I’m daily renewed with a new point of view
I’m still here to tell my story
Those bad things that happened will work for my good and, somehow, God will get the glory

I could be bitter, I could be depressed
As a matter of fact that was the old me
I’ve gotten my joy back and a new hold on life
I thank God I’m totally free!!!

The secret is out…no more shame or doubt. From now on I vow to be bold.
I will hold my head high…in spite of the fact…
This is one of the hardest true stories I’ve ever told.

If Only for One Night

by Danielle N. Hall

4/20/16

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Some of you may be familiar with the following lyrics:

Let me hold you tight…if only for one night

Let me keep you near, to ease away your fear

It would be so nice…if only for one night

These lyrics, so smoothly sung by the late and great “Luther”, were presented as an offer that could hardly be refused. While the lyrics are comforting, the truth is, I don’t have access to Luther nor was he even talking to me…lol

I’m convinced that most everyone has someone, or something, that they have a yearning for. Night after night, for years, I tossed and turned and turned and tossed…missing and wanting this one thing: REST.

I had grown accustomed to only getting a combination of a very few hours of broken sleep daily. I was a functioning insomniac!!!  In an effort to be transparent, I have to acknowledge that suppressed memories, worry, stress, being consumed with others’ issues, a bit of fear, and burnout had caused to me to have many nights void of rest. Over time, it began affecting my health in many ways…some symptoms were lightheadedness, intermittent blurred vision, memory challenges, weight gain, fatigue, headaches, and irritability. I would still function, but my mind and body screamed: “IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT!!!”

Then it finally happened…I made a decision to release that which was keeping me from getting what my mind and body craved. Make no mistake about this…deciding is just the beginning of the process.  We then have to actually do the work. I found a few new comforting lines:

“I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

I began to rehearse these words and then they finally took root and THEN my “one night” became numerous nights. What I’ve come to learn is that we often suffer for an unnecessary lengthy period of time because we have a tendency to depend on finite things, but God in all of His infinite wisdom has provided what we need in His word.

What’s been keeping you up at night? Is it stressing about finances, worrying about a loved one, fear of what’s gonna happen, or holding on to memories of traumatic experiences? I encourage you to “let Him hold you tight…if only for one night. Let Him keep you near to ease away your fear. It would be so nice…if only for one night.” I’ve learned to rest in His arms and on His word. Here are some that may help you:

Psalm 94:19 (AMP) When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comforts delight me.

Isaiah 26:3-4 (AMP) You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast that is, committed and focused on You—[in both inclination and character], because he trusts and takes refuge in You with hope and confident expectation. Trust confidently in the Lord forever He is your fortress, your shield, your banner, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.

REST…and may your one night become many!

 

The Silent Killer

by Danielle N. Hall

4/15/16

With all of the senseless acts of crime on a rise, we may have experienced a heightened state of awareness and an elevated caution level. I’ve certainly had to have more discussions than usual with my children about precautionary measures that they must take. However, there is a much greater threat that is killing many by the day: UNFORGIVENESS.

I’d like to shine a light on this dangerous, silent killer. The impact of unforgiveness is often underestimated or overlooked. We engage in many endeavors to try to “get healthy”: from the trips to the gym (the place where you workout and take selfies) to the trips to the grocery store to get the gluten free and antioxidant rich products. The outside is looking great, and maybe there is a bit of joy derived from the effects of the new habits. By no means am I suggesting that these are not fruitful endeavors, but we ought to also be just as careful to tend to our core. All the physical exercise in the world will not reduce the effects of unforgiveness on our health.

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On exactly 2 years ago, I made the above post to Facebook. These are examples of what we can experience as a result of forgiveness. Consider that the opposite is highly probable: UNFORGIVENESS can add excessive weight, can put strain on your heart, and can be immobilizing.

PAUSE…take a moment to do a self evaluation to determine if there is someone who you’ve harbored negative feelings about in your heart. Sometimes, the person in the mirror is who we fail to forgive. Other times, it can be someone who has done the unimaginable to us or our loved ones. I have experienced ALL of the above and, for years, I had suppressed memories of varying events as a coping mechanism. Suppressing thoughts is just like collecting garbage: after gathering enough, there will be a stench. Our attitudes will begin to stink and what we really need to do is rid ourselves of the trash; we need to properly dispose of the toxic waste.

Hazardous waste is known to contain  cancer-causing agents and other harmful substances. Have you ever felt physically ill, but you do all that you can to eat right and exercise and you can’t quite put your finger on what may be the cause of your nausea, headache, or pain. I’ve noticed that when I’m stressed, I experience pain usually in my right jaw, or in the right side of my neck and back. I’ve also experienced chest pain and headaches. Additionally, I’d be overly fatigued.

I’m sure I’m not alone in having experienced these symptoms that can very well be attributed to the toxicity of unforgiveness. After having identified and then released some of those toxins, I feel less weighted down and less sluggish. I even feel that I can breathe easier. Even my thought processing has become more clear because there is less clutter to tend with.

Most of us have had an unfair or unfortunate life experience that has left us feeling bitter, angry, helpless, hopeless or alone…the truth is, however, even though we can’t undo what has been done, we can decide to not hold on to the effects. Holding on keeps us bound and slowly kills us internally. Forgiveness is a matter of choice and it is up to us to decide that we want to live and be well.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts:

“In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.”–Andy Stanley

Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.